This is what my book would be called

Something Borrowed, Something New

2009-10-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

I need something new. My life is the same everyday. School, work, WORK, study, sometimes go out. I'm sick of the same views, I'm sick of my house, I'm even sick of the same conversations. I need a vacation.

Maybe I'll buy a new sweater. Urban Outfitters has a million new ones and I'm thinking about getting me one o' those.

Is it weird that I saved this in my computer as "cat boobies"? Like I need MORE people staring at my chest. But still, it's different and I kind of love it.

I think I like this one more. I've been having a problem wearing pants lately. Actually for a few months now. Personally I'm just sick of wearing them and have been going on hiatus more and more.

Or maybe I could get another tattoo! My ratio of left-side-of-the-body to right-side-of-the-body tattoos is uneven so I may need to fix that. There have been a few things I've been kind of planning on getting done as well.

In other news....My Birthday is TOMORROW!!!!! My boss is having a huge party for me and even put it in the Happenings, which is a local magazine that is actually read by a lot of people. It makes me feel important. And seeing as I'm a complete birthdayzilla feeling important IS important. Bitches.

Maybe I'll get some cash (which will be going toward my new sweater/tattoo fund).

Happy birthday to me.

Lets Get Wild

2009-10-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

On Saturday night one of the bars my boss owns hosted a benefit for a woman who's husband passed away. This woman also happens to work at my other job with me so it was a prime event for me to know people at. Half customers of mine from the bar, half co-workers from JCP. First of all, I would like to say how responsible of a person I am for getting dropped off at the bar (by my dad) so dui's and KILLING PEOPLE wouldn't be a problem and such. So I get into the bar and immediately know a good 30-40 people in there. Not good. The night was spent getting bought drinks and then, in turn, buying drinks for others. Pretty sure I spent way too much money. Apparently I'm quite the hoot. I do have to say that while I joke around a lot about drinking on my blog, I'm not a HUGE drinker. I'm down to about one night a month where I'll go out big, but this was worse than usual for sure. According to my battle wounds I fell off the bed. Hard. Oh yeah, and I gave up the good fight and spent the rest of the night on the floor rather than make an attempt of standing up. One of my friends took me home (not in that way....dirty) and I guess I had a few missed calls throughout the night and forgot to check my phone before going to bed, causing my phone to make little beeping noises every 2 minutes ALL NIGHT. When he asked me what it was I replied with, "Whatever you want it to be." And then passed back out. Obviously I watch "Pretty Woman" too much.

ERIC CAN BITE ME ANYTIME!

2009-10-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

So I only have oh, ten minutes before I need to leave for class... but for the record, Alexander Skarlskafdjdlskfjgard is the hottest man alive. Who cares that we don't know how to spell, let alone, SAY his name? When you've got a ~~ass~~ face/body/the whole shaBANG like that you're above having a name to need people to know who you are.

(OH HI!)

(Me likey...)

Who Finishes Shit Anyway?

2009-08-09T20:48:00.001-07:00

I've been deliberating way too much about my life (past and present) lately.

I've come to the conclusion that I want to go to Prague when I graduate. I found a really good program that pretty much guarantees job offers before your certificate is even earned, and it'll be pretty cheap to live there...but let's see if I actually do it. This has a high probability of turning into one of my short-lived life plans.

Only I Would Hike In Heels

2009-07-15T23:05:00.000-07:00

Martin (my car) is broken. My clutch decided to blow out while I was at Diana's wedding over 2 1/2 hours away, so I ended up hiking it back to my hotel. Picture this....Me in a skirt and t-shirt walking on the side of this bumfuck no where highway carrying my purse and a 12 pack of Bud Light. It took a good hour and a half, and I was drunk out of my gourd. Thank GOD her brother was with me or I probably would have camped out in my car for the night. And everyone knows a VW Beetle is not made for sleeping. (And the fact that I have 36-inch-inseemed legs and those babies probably would have knocked out a window or two during a dream or something...you never know with my luck)

But overall my summer is going just smashingly.

The Shame of the Ishame

2009-06-21T17:11:00.000-07:00

Ishame-
When someone borrows your Mp3 player and finds embarrassing songs/albums.

Mike ishamed me when he grabbed my iPod while I was listening to my Elton John play list.

By the way…is it funny that I’m posting these, or just plain embarrassing?

( FUNNY… LET’S GO!)

1. Bloodhound Gang- "Bad Touch"

Because it's oh so good. And we ARE just all mammals, right?

2. Britney Spears- “Oops I Did it Again”
Because I publicly scorned her and can STILL be caught listening to her trashy lyrics and hypnotizing beats attentively.

(Yes. That is me. Don’t ask, you’re lucky I gave you that.)

3. Crazy Town- “Revolving Door”
This song is horrible. And what makes this even worse is the fact that this wasn’t even one of their singles (at least I don’t think) which means I actually BOUGHT this cd.

4. Dreamstreet- “Dreamstreet”

All of my freshman year college friends and I had a running joke about this song. There’s nothing better than prepubescent boys singing in their high tenor voices about taking their one true love down the Milky Way. To this day I still believe the whole song is about wet dreams…but whatev.

5. Harry Nilsson- “Coconut”
Yes. The infamous coconut song, and yes, it IS the one you’re thinking of. I don’t know if I listed this one because I’m embarrassed of it, or because I’m secretly proud to have it. What a conundrum. I’m going to go with the latter though. I secretly feel cool at parties when I’m the only one who knows the lyrics.

6. Jonas Brothers- “Love Bug”
I really don’t buy these virgins…
(Yeah, right.)

But when they performed this song at some MTV award show I just had to download it. Due to the mob of tween girls blockading them at all times I’ve barely seen what they look like however. I’m undecided whether or not I like them…they’re half annoying, half enticing. Seeing as this is the only song I’ve ever heard from them, it looks like my annoyed side will prevail.

(Thank God. That cult of 13 year old angsty, obsessed females looks a little wild and dangerous to get caught up in)

7. Lil Troy- “Wanna Be a Balla”
Even typing these horrendous misspellings give me the chills. Other than that, this song will make you want to get an Impala. With blades. What the fuck are blades on a car? Rims? Do I even want to know? What I AM sure of though is I really shouldn’t be listening to this loudly in my car.

8. Mickey Avalon- “Jane Fonda”
This isn’t so much of an embarrassment rather than a “what the fuck!?”… But Mr. Avalon had me at “her ass was bigger than a Mercedes Benz”. In a way his dirtiness/coked-outness is alluring.

9. Scissor Sisters- “Filthy Gorgeous”
Um. Because everyone should have a song about dirty tranny hookers. (Anyone worth knowing anyways) Duh.

10. Shiny Toy Guns- “Le Disco”
Oh. My. God. This is the worst song ever made. The lyrics are very unclear. Is this girl going to bone this “little boy/little toy”, or shoot him? Or both? I’m so confused. According to her she can also fly. With guns? Lies…have you BEEN to an airport in the last 8 years?

I Want a Sunday Kind of Love

2009-06-20T16:18:00.000-07:00

So I’m single. (And can say it proudly without running to the bathroom and sobbing uncontrollably.) I have been for a while now, and can honestly say that I’m pretty content with being independent. As you’ve probably noticed from my posts, I’m not much of a “sit and talk about feelings” type of girl. I don’t play games, and will walk away when I know it’s not right instead of trying to change or fix a guy and the relationship that we’re involved in. I’m not afraid of being alone enough to do that. I used to be that way, but after a few years of embarrassment, annoyances I had created, and heart-aches, I’m done. What really made me put things into perspective was when I realized not to gauge my happiness with shallow advantages but simply….

What would I be willing to give up just to be in an altogether mediocre relationship?

When it’s put that way it really makes you stop and think about what you’re doing when you settle or chase for attention, huh? It makes me think of experiences that I would want to partake in that would require me to be single, and use THOSE to measure how much someone is worth it to me. For example, eventually I want to move out of the country for a few years after I graduate, and I know a relationship would stop me from doing that. I really do believe that the right guy would be so worth giving that up for and I would never want to throw away an amazing opportunity if THE guy comes around, but I know that if I stay for the wrong one I will hate myself forever for giving up on my dream.

Because of this outlook, I find myself not looking for anything, which is deterring me from falling for things that girls my age normally do. You know which girls I’m talking about- those desperate, stalkerish, should be force-read “He’s Just Not That Into You” type of girls. I’m not saying that I’m holding prehistoric views on the dating scene, but I’ve been able to take a step back and realize how unattractive pushiness is in females. It IS old-fashioned to wait for the guy to do the pursuing, but I think that’s how it should be, and I can guarantee you most guys would agree. Guys instinctually fight for what they want, and no matter how much we don’t want to admit it they DO take a different approach when they do the pursuing. Plain and simple- They either like a girl or they don’t, and a good guy will make it known if he does. And unfortunately WE work off of “signs” that we overanalyze and fantasies of the amazing relationship we could see ourselves in and let those mask our real feelings because we're scared of being alone. Yeah, it may be hard to accept it if someone you’re really into doesn’t feel the same way but really, if you have to fight for a guy and you finally get him, isn’t he just giving in? I don’t want someone to settle with me; I want to be sure that he really wants me before I’m willing to really put myself out there. Because of that, I want to wait for him to make the initial effort. I know that if I really liked someone I wouldn’t be unclear with how I felt. I would make an obvious effort, and that’s why I’ll only accept that from a new guy. It frustrates me so much when I see girls I know doing the chasing instead of letting guys act like gentlemen and go to them, because I know that’s what they deserve. We think because we’re this brand new generation that we can completely disreguard how things have always been done. Girls who don’t have feelings reciprocated want to believe that guys have gotten lazy and nervous, and so they turn aggressive and downright batshit CRAZY to convince him that they're THE ONE. They’re overly assertive and well, kind of bird-like. What happened to the idea of rejection and simply moving on? There’s no making something that’s never going to happen, happen.

Due to my beliefs in the“Boy meets girl and ASKS for her number, boy calls girl within a reasonable amount of time to ASK her out, boy picks up girl to go on the date that he planned for her, boy calls afterward” idea, I’m completely turned off by a lot of guys that I meet. If a guy likes me I know from experience that he WON’T be apathetic in the least, and that STILL IS the norms if females would just stop and pay attention. I’ve met guys that treated me OK but showed signs that he wasn’t all that into me with whom I chose to ignore rather than accept, while I’ve had guys that really were into me and showed me. The differences, seemingly small, make a world of difference when it comes to how I’ve been treated.

I’m not saying I never put forth any effort, but a guy not putting forth normal efforts and hence us taking up the slack for it just leads to us being used. Remember, each sex has their own different kind of head that is used in the thinking process. Women tend to jump to romantic conclusions right away, and guys toward sexual conclusions. There are certain things that a guy should just KNOW not to do and others that he should know TO do when he truly wants someone, because those are things that he’ll want and he really WILL change, but he can't be MADE to change. If a guy I like feels the same way I know that he’ll see me. I’m not hurting for a date so bad that I will make it easy for him to just have me without putting forth effort not will I overlook a lack of common respect that every girl deserves. A guy that’s interested WILL call. He WILL plan a date, and WILL want to spend time getting to know you. It’s not rocket science.

It really is refreshing to view dating this way. Deep down every girl knows that if a guy wanted to spend time with her, he would. It’s as simple as that. He wouldn’t play games and be indirect about where, when and how they’re meeting up. Girls have just become so adapted to the chase that it’s not a matter of adapting to rejection but it’s a matter of challenges and obsticles to get what you want. I personally don’t want to fight for someone to like me. I’ve had guys who wouldn’t leave me alone and I know how frustrating it is to have someone constantly not let it be. I don’t wait for the phone to ring anymore. Instead of disappointment this apathetic outlook has made me just accept things. I don’t get sad when a guy doesn’t call me.

And if he does?

It’s just such a better feeling knowing that he genuinely likes me.

Creativity and Originality At Its Finest

2009-06-08T02:43:00.000-07:00

So I've been the most boring individual on the planet lately, but I want to at least start blogging a LITTLE bit more. So what do I do? Find 25 random facts about myself. Yes, this same post had flown through the Facebook world a couple months ago, so I did change many of them....

1) I change what I want to do for a living every few months. This has caused college to be very expensive and untimely.

2) I'm 5'11", but get really mad when people automatically assume that I'm over 6' when they meet me. It's probably best to not say anything.

3) I wish I had even an ounce of artistic talent...but anything past stick figures or rocking out in my car and I'm toast.

4) It was easier for me to live in a dorm over an hour away than to live in an apartment less than a mile away from my parents'. I think it's because I hate to be alone. I need constant chaos and my house is the perfect place for that.

5) I have an unnatural fear of worms. Seriously, I won't even go outside sometimes if it's raining and bitch, complain, and tip toe like a friggen drunk ballerina the whole time if I do.

6) I would chose to slum it and backpack through Europe than to go on an expensive tropical vacation. Like a say, experiences are so much better than relaxation. We can relax when we're dead.

7) After I graduate I want to get my TEFL certificate and teach English overseas for a few years.

8) I absolutely love my friends, they're the funniest people you could ever meet. And they'll keep you on your toes, which I love
9) I HATE driving automatic. I feel like I'm driving a robot, and until I have kids I will continue to only drive cars with manual transmissions.

10) I have oral allergy syndrome, so I can't eat anything containing birchwood pollens unless its cooked.

11) I know way too much useless information, and will have no problem whipping it out at any time

12) My picture was on Perez Hilton's website! It was the worst picture of me ever though...

13) I love long island ice teas, and don't understand why they aren't ordered more.

14) I want to live in Europe when I'm older, at least for a little while.

15) I have a puggle named Rocco who is the coolest dog I've ever met. He snores louder than most human beings.

16) I also have three cats, only one that I really like though.

17) I love Quentin Tarantino movies

18) I'm really clumsy

19) I could spend a week straight at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago.

20) I have a thing for tall skinny guys

21) Even though I'm terrified of worms, I love snakes and even used to have one. Her name was Barbie and she starved herself to death, ironically.

22) I love tequila, and will take pickle tickles until I pass out. (not REALLY pass out...but you know)

23) I actually like those Scion boxy looking SUVs, the Xbs or whatever.

24) I would choose to hang out with my family over most people my age. They're crazy and there's never a dull moment when we all get together. At my aunt's 50th birthday they set a tree on fire, requiring the fire department to come and everything.

25) This post made me realize that I really AM the most boring person on the planet.

Not So New Obsession

2009-06-04T18:09:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard of Paolo Nutini....then you have to hurry up and get on the bandwagon. He just released his sophomore album on the 2nd and it is AMAZING. His first cd is probably in my top 3 favorite albums of all time, and his new one is just as good. It's much more of a folk style than the last one, but like I said, just as amazing. Here's the video for his new single "Candy".

I actually think he's surpassed RPatz in the Nina's top crush category. Here are some images to show you why. (From his Photobucket...I think)

And he's SCOTTISH.
I feel like I'm 12 again.

Bridal showers are the BEST

2009-06-02T00:30:00.000-07:00

One of my oldest friends, Diana is getting married next month and she had her bridal shower yesterday, and I have an admission. It was the most fun I’ve had in a while…. I KNOW, it sounds weird that a bridal shower was actually fun, but you have no idea. I’ve been having these weird insomnia problems where I’ll stay up for two days straight and then sleep for like 12 hours the next, and then do it all over again, and it happened to fall on a day where I didn’t sleep the night before, and nevertheless I had been dreading it, I’m not going to lie. I was really excited to see her of course, but the idea of sitting there with 10 old broads and their stupid superstitions KIND OF makes me want to cut off my left foot for an excuse to get out of it. No, if you rip 29 ribbons, chances are it’s not going to make you magically pop out 29 kids….just putting that out there.

Back to the shower, it was in a clubhouse and had at least 50 people that attended; both male and female. I had forgotten how much I absolutely love Diana since we separated four years ago when we went off to different schools and have barely gotten to see each other since. I get there holding her present, and she walks up to me, says thanks, and demands I “just put it anywhere” and hurry up and grab a beer. I immediately knew this was no normal bridal shower. It ended up consisting of getting drunk (Diana was the drunkest of them all SHE EVEN FELL DOWN), watching the happy couple beat the shit out of a pinata, and the bride to be and I beating her fiancé and brother (who may I add is in a frat at party-school University of Wisconsin- Madison) at beer pong, then turning around and losing to her PARENTS. There was also this adorable 7 year old, belonging to the groom's family, who fetched all of our ping pong balls for us, thus making us feel bad so we taught her how to play.

(With Capri Sun, I swear)....which still doesn't make it ok....but nonetheless hilarious.

Then we went to her house and her mom brought out the old photo albums full of us as awkward pre-teens (However, I have to say my legs were FANTASTIC in 7th grade…seriously). Then we went to the hotel where the entire grooms family was, had a couple drinks and I talked to Diana’s future mother in law (who is fabulous by the way) and then we went out to one of my favorite bars. It was PACKED and there was a live band playing. I tried this beer called Bitch Creek for the first time….kind of skunky, but overall pretty good.

(Worth enduring to look cool with the label.)

We were there with a bunch of people...some that I haven’t seen in a while…(OK. Namely the guy I lost my virginity to. Weird, but again, endurable. I looked fantastic that night.) I do have to say that drunk people piss me off sometimes. I was drunk too, but come on. There was this guy standing behind me that would NOT stop grinding all up on me. I get really sassy after a couple so I kept on turning around and making some ~~rude~~ hilarious comments until I had had enough. He had these really expensive gloves in his back pocket so I pinched one of the fingers and let his up and down motion booty do all the work, took the glove, and threw it across the bar. I’m such a bitch. I also got in a fight with some chick wearing a tiara. She was sitting right in front of some of the band members and I glanced over to them, and she gave me the BIGGEST stink eye I had ever seen, so I told my friend about it. This chick then ushered me over and asked what I was looking at. I told her that I had just glanced at the band and she gave me a rude glare and told my friend about it so that’s why I looked at her more than once, to which she replied something about her thinking that I was looking at her husband and if I was she was going to kick my ass. Please. Me, (being the bitchy little drunk that I am), looked at her husband (for the first time mind you) gave a disgusted looked and replied with, “I can ASSURE you two things. I wasn’t looking at your husband…and there is no way you’re going to be kicking my ass.” Then I walked away without her saying a word. Then the remainder of the night was spent dancing (I ended up shooing some drunk guy off Diana) and seeing one of my old crushes. So hot.

Then we had to leave because Diana got too drunk and puked.

I love my friends.

I want to leave you all with this gem. He’s a mixture between William Hung and Captain Howdy from the Exorcist. Weird, but strangely alluring…

Some things can't be found without a search.

2009-05-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

For the last four months or so I’ve been working as a bartender. Not only is it the PERFECT job for someone who’s going to school full time, but it is an absolute BLAST. It really is. I don’t like drinking a whole lot while working, so I usually stay sober, which enables me to experience the hilarity that a tequila bar ensues. Now, most people get annoyed with drunk, babbling idiots. I on the other hand think seeing people at their worst is ~~a huge ego booster for myself~~ hilarious.

(Seriously, nothing is better for your inner jealous bitch than watching the girl monopolizing every male stare in the joint, SLIP AND FALL flat on her ass.)

Between the horrible dancing (“dance off’s” are the best!), laughing off embarrassing sexual advances (Those who are inebriated into a state of over-confidence love doing this...but it should be common knowledge to NOT hit on the bartender), and drunken blunders (the “other” category that I’m sure includes every other random drunk escapade you’ve even regretted getting involved in) this has proved to be my most interesting job yet.

Last week a guy came in, and pretty sure the drunker he got, the less English he remembered, (which, due to the added slurring, didn’t leave him speaking what I would call “Spanglish”, but it was close.) Hilarious. I’ve actually stopped drinking as much because I now know what it looks like to be stupid drunk from a sober perspective. Not charming. But it DOES make for fantastic stories to tell in and outside of work.

Other than that, I’m in my last week of school for the semester. It’s depressing seeing how many of my friends are graduating and entering the real world, while I’m stuck here living with my parents and at least a year away from graduation…but I’ll get over it. A lot of people take a year off, and even more have problems choosing a major. I’m sure I’m not alone. I know this sounds weird, but even when I had a full time job, was living on my own and paying my bills, I still felt like something was missing. I know this must be difficult to believe, but I love going to school. I love going to class, I love feeling productive, and I know this sounds kind of cheesy, but I really do enjoy learning. I think I’ll just take a summer class, because honestly…I don’t think I could just work this summer without doing anything else. Yes, I’m working 4 days, which comes up to roughly a 40 hour work week, but really…three days of doing nothing is depressing.
I’ve officially decided on getting my TEFL certificate when I’m done with school. Some people are happy with moving into an entry level job and settling down and having a family soon, if not immediately, after graduation but I look at it as the time we have for ourselves. It’s the first time I’ll be free of school, be free of after school jobs, and I know my parents will finally be content enough to give me their blessings to go off and ~~do irresponsible things and make selfish choices in foreign countries~~ travel and learn what it’s like to live in other cultures.

A lot of people ask me if I’ll miss my family if I do end up going off by myself for so much time, and the answer is a definite yes. But really, there’s nothing holding me back, and I’ve found myself not looking for anything that would either. I’m content with my life right now, but I know that I’ll be deeply unsatisfied later if I don’t get to live and learn the culture of somewhere else at least once during my lifetime. It’s exciting to think about how vastly different life can be in a few short years!

I'm Alive!!!!

2009-04-22T21:48:00.000-07:00

Surprisingly, I did not die in a horrific fire accident due to my using an oven. In fact, I didn’t even cook that night! Eff that, I should have known that it was just the three red bulls doing their thing that gave me that false motivation. To be perfectly honest, I’ve just been way too distracted (lazy) to blog. And, who am I kidding? It’s not like I have tons of followers that wait for every update on my incredibly exciting life. Really…. (hi Ktittle). But today I was thinking….maybe it’s important for me to express my feelings without expecting feedback or advice from someone. (Here goes)

It is amazing how LITTLE I know about US history. Wasn’t I born here or something? I feel bad for people in like, Greece, when they’re in high school. At least in the U.S. we don’t have so much local stuff to cover. Could you imagine having to learn about your own culture when you have thousands of years to cover? UGH. Reason number 342 I’m glad I was born in the US.

Another thing, I’ve been sick forever. I’m over most of it, but about ELEVEN days of it I was practically on my death bed. I got antibiotics so those helped tremendously. I did have to miss like 4 days of work, but I guess people were asking about me, so that was a little flattering.... I think it's just one of the hazards of working in a bar; a LOT of second hand smoke.

Back to school...other than my US history class, I have an exam tomorrow in my other history class, plus a 12 page paper to write in a week that counts for 30% of my grade in the same class, AND a presentation to put together by Tuesday (While working 40 hours this weekend). Seriously…why am I blogging right now? Maybe I used up all of my other sources of procrastination. I’ll get through it though, I always do; it won’t be so bad.

Random Note: I have the Sex in the City movie on as background noise right now, and I just want to say how much I LOVE Carrie Bradshaw. It’s rare that you’ll find a character that is incredibly girly and into everything that the quintessential woman is, while still maintaining a smart and witty personality that is usually left for plainer characters. Such as Miranda. And I think her stupid effing puns are hilarious.

Happy Birthday Abe and Darwin!!!

2009-02-12T13:02:00.000-08:00

(Is it just me or is Google’s front page a dedication to Darwin!? Pretty sure those are finches. I told you Google is full of geniuses!)

For Christmas my parents go all out. Amongst the jewelry, electronics, apartment stuff and http://www.mentalfloss.com/ t-shirts (and Freudian slippers) they decided that getting me a cookbook would be a fantastic idea. First of all, let me tell you, before this the only cookbook I used had a disclaimer on the first page listing demands of adult supervision. Sadly, that’s not a joke. So I went to lunch with my dad today and he asked me if I’ve made anything out of it yet. It was just one of those things that required me to laugh in his face. Triumphantly I responded, “Cooking is like taking the long way home, it’s ridiculous when the shortcut will take you to the same place! Just buy a Lean Cuisine.” He didn’t think that was very funny. So here I am looking through Better Homes and Gardens’ Anyone Can Cook. There are things in here that I didn’t know EXISTED. Honestly, one of the main reasons I don’t cook is because I’m scared that I’ll poison someone. I’m CONVINCED that the one time I decide to cook any kind of meat it will be just oozing with E. coli. So you can imagine my excitement when I found the “How to tell if it’s done page. It's actually making cooking look a little less scary... AND I just found two whole pages dedicated to basic drinks and bartending. This book is right up my alley.

I think I’m even going to make KTittle dinner for our “United States of Tara”/ “Grey’s Anatomy” night. If she’ll eat anything I make. Usually when she comes to my apartment she brings a pizza because, “I know you don’t have any food.” I’ll just promise not to burn her kitchen down, then maybe she’ll consider. Tomorrow I’m sure I’ll have some hilarious updates.

Things Over Forty

2009-02-11T10:43:00.000-08:00

The age I’ll be when I finally graduate from college
Buildings in my apartment complex, or so it seems. Everyone gets lost

Crushes I’ve had in the past month
Or week

My parents
Times I’ve squirtled my pants listening to KTittle’s hilarious stories

People who say KTittle and I look like sisters (I’m really younger but everyone says I look like the older sister)

Pounds I want to lose (plus a thousand)
Number of TV shows I need to catch up on to start having actual conversations with friends again

Number of things wrong with my car…but I still love him (Martin…his name is Martin)

Amount in dollars I have in my bank account (barely)
Reasons why my dog is cooler than most people
The amount of hours I wish were in a day

Alcoholic drinks I've probably consumed in the last week

Stop Trying So Hard

2009-02-10T19:15:00.000-08:00

Today I walked into my discussion that I studied forever for last night, to find out that it had been cancelled. Ok, I wasn't too upset, it was only going to last for 20 minutes anyway so I knew I'd have to wait around for my next class to start. But you know those front and center overachievers that are in every class? Well the one in mine (who was also in one of my previous econ classes) is of the worst kind. I've always done pretty well in school, but I'm definitely not one to participate frequently. I'm more of a back row kind of student. I honestly don't talk for the 3-6 hours that I'm at school everyday. When I see friends and they tell me that they saw me at school the other day they usually comment on how pissed off I look. Honestly I'm not though, I'm just in my own little "learning mode" world. Yeah. When I become a teacher I will punish the suck-ups for not shutting their mouths and listening to the PRO. Why do I want to hear what a student has to say 20 times throughout class when I could be listening to someone who actually knows what they're talking about?

So this dude in my class takes it upon himself to still lead our discussion even though my professor won't be there. Uh, annoying. No joke, he brought a podium to the front of the class and had an itinerary that he whipped up when he got the e-mail informing us that we weren't having class. (I really need to start checking my e-mail at 7 in the morning) He even did the "teacher pace". You know, that walk back and forth that professors do when they talk. He even handed out a sign-in sheet! I decided to stay just because we're getting tested on this stuff anyway, so what could it hurt? I spent the entire time on the Internet ignoring him. One guy in my class even asked if he was an assistant professor or something, to which he replied, "Actually, (annoying pretentious chuckle) I'm a first year student...I just really want to be a history professor." After that it took all I had not to tell him to sit his ass down, and spent the rest of the time e-mailing KTittle making fun of overachievers and everything else we could think of, then I raced out of there as soon as it was done.

The rest of the day was really good though! I spent it with my cousin who's sick so I took care of her (I'm so nice, I know!) Then I went to my Tuesday night class, which is the worst class EVER. I honestly don't care about anything that I have learned in there. It's all old man banter. If I wanted to learn about philosophy I could just walk over to my neighbor's house and listen to the stoners over there. More excitement and less interpretation.

When did we substitute being smart with just using Google?

2009-02-09T23:09:00.000-08:00

I’m sitting here at Starbucks waiting for my $3.99 internet to expire. I’m sick of reading about Rockefeller, personally, and there IS a limit to how many times in an hour you can check your facebook before you should just stop kidding yourself, and admit to yourself that you’re NOT STUDYING. I’m not studying. I’m googleing. Which should be a word by the way. It started out as me taking notes on this book about John D. Rockefeller for my U.S. history class, and before I knew it, I was googleing Robert Pattinson’s ex girlfriends. It always ends like that to be completely honest though. Ironically, the Foo Fighters’ song “Best of You” is playing right now on my computer, and I hate to admit it but Google, you’re getting the best of me.

Today was pretty boring, I should have done this earlier but the book I’m reading is just way too interesting so I didn’t. Tomorrow I have a discussion for my class, am studying (really) for my Western European History class, then I’m going home, probably bumming around instead of getting the kazillion things I should be doing, then have another class.

There’s a really creepy couple here. They’ve been here since I arrived, which is about 2 hours ago, and they keep on leaving for cigarette breaks. I keep thinking they’re going to leave for good but ultimately they come back. Obviously they’re doing this to trick me (which makes them even creepier)

Sometimes I just can't pay attention. What?

2008-11-17T21:37:00.000-08:00

My life sucks.

OK,actually I'm just having an allergic reaction to my new face wash and it's making my cheeks itch, but still.

Today was a pretty good day. I got up, was only 4 minutes late to work, AND listened to the Robert Pattinson song off the "Twilight" movie soundtrack 3 times on my way there. It's such a depressing song, but fantasizing about him falling in love with me the whole time makes it a little bittersweet. So I got to work thinking that I'd have to study for my macro exam that I have tomorrow AND write a paper for my science class (which will consist of only the finest bullshit you've ever read to make me achieve the coveted 10 out of 10 I so much aspire to). Well, about an hour into my work day I realize that I've forgotten my meds for the THIRD day in a row. I'm not sure if any of you know this....but yes, I am an "adult" with ADD. It's hilarious. I'm not like one of those kids that can't sit still for 2 minutes, but I'm one of those people that gets really agitated if someone talks about something for longer than I wish for them to. The problem is however, usually that's less than a sentence-per-idea. I don't like unneeded explanations, thank you. My stream of consciousness could be used for whitewater rafting. So yeah, as soon as I have that sweet little epiphany, I just give up knowing not everything will get done. I wrote the one page paper though, so I feel pretty productive for the day. After work I had my science class where I, of course, didn't pay attention to a word anyone was saying. So I get out of class and drive over to my parents' house seeing as I'm still too broke to pay for the internet. (My neighbors are assholes and put passwords on their internet). So I get here expecting to get all 3 chapters I need to study memorized, and what do I do? Youtube.

Words cannot describe the way I feel about Youtube. You start out watching a music video and 4 hours later you're watching some chick doing a keg stand and Harry Pothead smoking a joint. And they say texting is bad for us.....

ANYWAY
An hour later, I have 2 BS science papers written, and I come to realize that my exam isn't even until Thursday!!! Another two days of procrastination...I'm so excited.

Stream of Conciousness

2008-09-24T20:28:00.000-07:00

First of all, I would like to say that I am OBSESSED with the song "A Cold Wind Blows Through Your Door" by Bill Ricchini from the Grey's Anatomy volume 3 soundtrack.

Ok, now that I got that out of my system....

Today was the first day that I was able to think of Phil without getting sad or angry. It's been just over a month now, and I've finally had this weight lifted off of my shoulders. I'm able to look back at our relationship, which lasted about a year, and realize everything that I learned from him. I'm stubborn. Really stubborn. But for the first time in my life I can let go and learn to lose. And I did lose with him. He was a great guy, and treated me better than I ever thought I'd deserve. He just wasn't right for me. First of all, he was selfish, and in his own way, just as obstinate as I am. While I always had to get my way with everyday little things, when it came to big things, he always had to have his. I practically let him live in my house, did his laundry, and let him invade what little space that I have to call my own with little to no complaint. He never thanked me for it. When we first broke up, I was mad at him, I blamed him for everything. A couple weeks afterward, I started looking at the mistakes I had made and started to blame myself for everything . I made myself believe that I drove him away with my craziness, and when I apologized, he still let me believe it. I had thrown my pride out the window to say I was sorry, and he didn't even acknowledge it.
Now, however, I'm starting to realize that it was a combination of the two of us. Both of us have our quirks, and they just didn't compliment each other. I knew he was wrong from the beginning, nothing like what I normally fell for. He wasn't motivated at all. I had to push him to go to school because he is just too smart to waste his life away. At the time I thought I was making his life better, but now I've come to realize that I was trying to make mine better, by trying to make someone I cared about different than he really was. After all this time, I finally have the knowledge that I need to find the right guy before I fall. I'm so, so young, and have so much time to try on what's out there. This should be my time to shine light into the future, not look back at the past. I'm going to school full time for, plus working full time, so I'm able to keep myself preoccupied. I'm just hoping that I won't wake up one day miserable and alone....I'm sure it won't happen and that every single girl has these fears, but it definitely is up there on my list.

I've always let others' perceptions of me determine how I feel about myself. I really do believe that this is the time period where I get over it and start living my life to the fullest. I will now be happy alone for the time being. I'll get stuff done and not worry about what other people think of me. I believe in my heart that I'm successful, and that I'm a great person. It's such a new concept for me though, and that's sad. So now that I've had this epiphany, it's time to start taking ACTION.

Venting so I don't kick air's balls in my sleep.

2008-09-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

The other day I was at my cousin's and we were talking about random stuff, and she told me that her psychiatrist told her to to keep a diary of all her feelings, and to write in it every night. (She's not crazy in a bad way... just to put that out there. Actually my whole family (me included) IS crazy in their own way. Whenever anyone meets themmy entire extended family they always comment on how they know why I am the way I am and kind of chuckle....then stare off into space for a long second absorbing the obnoxious shenanigans they just witnessed) Apparently she was having some subconscious anger management issues and kicking her husband in the balls every night....thankfully for her future spawn, I've heard the diary idea works. So I'm going to try it...

I could have finished chapter three in my Macroeconomics online lab tonight. That didn't happen. Lately I've been studying like crazy, and am finding that when I actually make an effort, I am good. at. school. As Daria would say, "Smart is not a four letter word, if it was, it was be smar." Taking both Macro AND Micro economics will be seemingly challenging, but I have a job that allows me to study all day instead of work, which is always nice. This "working from 7-5:15 and going to school from 6-9 thing is getting a little tiring however. I just keep telling myself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I WILL make it there.

So I've come to the conclusion that I need to stop drinking as much as I do. It's not that I drink often; I'm young, responsible, never drive drunk or with a drunk driver. However, I am notorious for getting myself into awkward situations. The other night, I thought I'd go out and have a couple with some friends. 3 doubles later, I walked up to this Sylar (from Heroes....duh) look-alike, and asked him if he had ever seen the show. He replied with, "Sylar, right? Yeah I get that all the time." There was this long pause where I stood there staring at him adoringly, and finally finished our nano second love affair with a loud and embarrassing, "Well..........DON'T CUT MY HEAD OFF!" And waltzed away in my drunken stupor. Later that night I'm sure I also gave my number out as a math tutor. I finally got home, popped a squat in my backyard, and passed out after ruining one of my favorite bags after, um, getting a little sick. Mind you, the entire time I was barfing my mom was sitting there narrating everything that was going on. "OMG!!! You're drunk!!!" "OMG!!! You just fell down!" "OMG!!! You're puking!" To which I actually held it in for a second, made the effort to look up at her and say "Yeah....I know..." Needlessly to say, work at 8:45 this morning was a blast. So was the hair appointment immediately afterwards. But everyone's supposed to go through this in their twenties....right?

General annoyances

2008-03-30T22:08:00.000-07:00

I know all of this may sound petty (not as in Tom) and mean, but I really need to vent. Lately, I have been annoyed by an abundance of things in general, and I really need to learn to get over it. My first step is to let it all loose. This blog is my fiber for the brain. I have made a list of all the general things in life that annoy me. None of these are meant to be controversial, even though many will be taken that way, I know. So sorry if it offends you, and let me caution you, complaining may not be a smart choice. Remember, there is an edit button on these babies, you just may be added to the list.

1. Moms who talk about their babies too much.

Seriously. It's enough. Yeah, the first 10 times you bring your new bundle of joy, aka late nights and crappy diapers, up I will accept it. I may even enjoy listening. But when you start getting into details, including every friggen noise, bowel movement, and other awful thing that scares me away from procreating, I am entitled to get a little annoyed. Now I do love kids. I can even tolerate the occasional baby. I love seeing new mothers get excited, and I will listen, but only to a certain extent. And please, no more pictures. Once I've seen a square, I've seen them all, no matter what color or design is in it, it's still a square. Same with babies.

2. Laundry.

No explanation needed.

3. The girls from the new Rock of Love.

I am not an avid watcher of the show by any means. However, I was brutally left by my typical entertainment provider (my boyfriend) for the tool store today. So I watched Sunday afternoon tv, and Rock of Love was on. Skanks. All of them. They need to brush their hair and stop whining about a 40 year old wash up making out with other girls in front of them. Please.

4. People who comment on my looks.

I've had probably 5 people in the past week condescendingly tell me that my hair is black, and therefore, too dark. When I tell them that this is my natural color, and that I haven't dyed my fast growing hair in a good year, they don't believe me. This is including mostly older family members. It's their fault to begin with and shouldn't say anything.

Another one that I love is when people comment about me being tall. I especially love the 5 footers that glare at me when I wear heels, or even ask me, "Why do you wear heels?" Because I like to add insult to injury lady. And why do you wear flats...? Yes. I chose to be a chick at a whopping 5 feet, 11 inches....with black hair.

5. Fake Intellectuals

At first I didn't say anything, and brushed this annoyance aside. However, one day while watching Sex and the City, Carey Bradshaw, the mother of all "bloggers" brought up that she hated Starbucks because it was full of "Pretentious Posers". The writers of that show get it. I absolutely hate people who got to college, acquired the habit of smoking and a Beatles cd, and all of a sudden they read Emerson and Thoreau like its fun. No one thinks either of them are interesting. That's probably the real reason one of them went into SECLUSION. People, take that hippie skirt off and buy that Abercrombie dress I just know you've been dying to get. We see through you and your english major.

Crossdressing personalities, not clothes.

2008-01-24T20:51:00.000-08:00

In a society that gears women toward independence and success, it's surprising that the process of male softening has long been ignored. The role of the woman in past generations was not only to be the perfect housewife, but to be the passionate and emotional half. We had always been taught to wear our hearts on our sleeves, be compassionate, and to be very expressive with our feelings and emotions. But now, it seems, the tables are turning. As women are working their personalities, getting them stronger and becoming more assertive, men are compensating for the lack of full time emotions that women used to provide.

The other day, I was in the car with my boyfriend, and out of nowhere he tells me that he loves me and plans on spending the rest of his life with me. He also went on about it for the next ten minutes, while I sat there in silence. Now while it wasn't a proposal, it was a gesture that most girls would be ecstatic to get from the guy that they love. But I found myself scared. I didn't know what to say, except a meager, "Thanks, I hope so too." He expected a lot more from me, which I couldn't give him. It has been a few times now where he has complained about my lack of communication when it comes to my emotions, telling me that while he understands that I feel the same way, it's upsetting that I don't speak of them. I couldn't think of an explanation. I don't know how to answer this seemingly rhetorical statement, and I felt horrible that I wasn't being the typical emotional girl. I've always figured I'd end up alone because I feel that vulnerability can only lead to disaster. Forget the childhood traumas and the bad relationships; we've all had them. When you meet "the one", that shouldn't hinder your feelings toward taking the next step...right? I should really just start listening to my own advice... I felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn't say anything I felt, while this guy sitting next to me was pouring his heart out to me. Why is it understandable for a man to be cold but heartless for a girl to be?

Thinking back on it, I shouldn't have felt that bad. He knows that I feel the same way about him, I just don't want to put them in words, especially on the spot. How long have women been giving the excuse of, "Oh, he's just shy about these things, he really does feel the same." While it would make sense to second guess these statements, there really is truth to it. Some people, whichever gender they may be, just may not be good at communicating their emotions. The question is, could that hurt a relationship if one person is more open than the other?
I've heard so many girls complain about not finding the perfect sensitive guy, but when they finally do, they viciously condemn him for it. I'm sure every woman has been asked the age old question, "Why do women look for assholes?" My answer to that is, of course, us girls love the chase. But I think the deep "secret" meaning would be that every woman is afraid to be the man in a relationship. We believe that it demeans our female position when a man is more expressive emotionally, because we were brought up to believe that women are supposed to have that job. My answer to that is to ignore these shallow niches we have built for ourselves, and to stand up for our own personalities. Don't become completely jaded, but don't feel obligated to give a heart-warming speech to your man everynight. Don't feel bad to let the man do the talking sometimes. Enjoy that both of you are comfortable, you can still have a relationship with great communication if there is understanding involved.